By Timothy Lantz

Gazoo, paralyzed with fear, stood motionless before the two Neanderthals. His light wave warping device, having failed at exactly the worst time imaginable, left him standing essentially naked before the primitive beings.

His hyper advanced brain quickly began working on a way out of the situation. He theorized that it must have seemed to them that he had simply appeared out of nowhere, materializing right before their very eyes. Primitive beings were so easily frightened. They were also, however, very dangerous.

Still, perhaps he could use that to his advantage.

He allowed his brain to pursue two different courses of thought. It was an easy-enough task for the people of Zetox. Even children were taught the trick in primary school. Seventy-five percent of his brain would work on a means of saving him from what looked to be a violent encounter. The other twenty-five percent, he decided, he would use to reminisce about how he ended up in this position in the first place. It was a fair ratio he thought. After all, he should be able to outsmart these creatures with a mere ten percent of his genius and… the memories would keep him occupied while the probabilities were worked through.

***

"It's just a simple theory," he protested.

"Even so Gazoo, its potential for destructive power is immeasurable." Gazam turned to face the council. "If it had it been allowed to fall into the wrong hands, the very fate of the universe may have been compromised."

At this, a murmur seemed to resonate through the council.

Gazoo knew that he was losing his case and opted for one final plea. "I am foremost a scientist, and threat to the universe or not, that theory is the greatest accomplishment in the history of Zetox. Even you cannot be so foolish to ignore a discovery of such magnitude."

Gazam lowered his head. "No, Gazoo. I'm afraid by opening this door; you have forced Zetox to accept a reality that previously had remained an unimaginable dream. Ignorance, unfortunately, is no longer afforded to us. I only pray that the council, in its wisdom, will choose the right course for the people of this planet."

Gazoo could see several council members all nod their head in agreement. He had lost. That much was obvious. All that remained was the final sentencing. "Fools," thought Gazoo. "I have given them the keys to the universe, and they're just going to lock them away in a closet."

The council debated for over three rotations of Zetox before finally deciding Gazoo's fate. The sentencing however was over quickly.

"Great Gazoo, you are without a doubt one of the most brilliant minds ever to have lived on Zetox. Your discoveries are unparalleled in our history and through your visions the people of this planet have come to know a lifestyle undreamed of. It is with heavy heart that the council must take the following actions. Are you ready to hear our judgment?"

Gazoo stood proudly before the council. He would not allow Gazam the pleasure of seeing him tremble. "I am."

"By order of this council, Gazoo of Zetox will be removed from the position of Great Scientist. However, due to your extraordinary mental abilities, we have decided that you are too valuable a scientist to completely dismiss. Therefore, you shall be reassigned to the xenobiology division."

"What?" Cried Gazoo. "Studying plants and rocks on some barren moon?"

"That is the final offer of the council, Gazoo. You may resign your position entirely, if you would prefer the life of a common citizen."

Gazoo's shoulders slumped a little. "Science is my passion gentleman, as you know. Therefore, you leave little choice but to accept the position. Can you tell me where I am to be assigned? At the very least, I think I deserve that much."

"A recent discovery, in the distant arm of our galaxy. I believe it's being called Urth by members of the Astrological Division. They have discovered a primitive race there, who I believe they are calling dumdums."

"Dumdums?" Gazoo stated skeptically. "Sounds wonderful. So when am I to depart?"

"Arrangements have been made. You leave within a rotation."

Gazoo sighed. "If that is to be my fate, then so be it."

***

Gazoo had been studying these two particular beings for weeks. He had even given them names. The taller of the two he had decided was to be called "Phred", which is the Zetoxian word for ugly. Standing a towering 1.6256 meters tall, nearly a full meter larger than Gazoo, and weighing 67.359 Kilograms, Phred was an imposing sight to be sure. Covered in thick, oily, black hair was bad enough, but the clincher, decided Gazoo, was without a doubt the enormous proboscis, which dwarfed the other features of the "dumdum's" face.

His companion, who had clearly distinguished himself as being the less intelligent member of the pair, was named "Bahrnee", which meant stupid. He was only 1.524 meters tall and 59.421 kilograms, small by dumdum standards, but giant none the less to the modest in stature Zetoxian. His hair was more of a brown in color and his most distinguishable facial feature was his eyes, which were on the small side and kind of squinty.

What struck Gazoo as the most fascinating fact about these two particular dumdums was not so much they way the worked to find food or how they fashioned and used elementary tools, but rather it was a behavior which Gazoo could only discern as some crude form of play.

In fact, it was almost a game. "As if lower class forms of life such as these could even be capable of the concept," thought Gazoo. "And yet, there certainly seemed to be a loose set of rules."

To Gazoo, who had now spent the better part of two months studying these creatures, the idea was fascinating. "Imagine, these two, of all the dumdums on this planet, possibly demonstrating a step up on the evolutionary ladder. Simply remarkable."

It was in fact, this very observation which led Gazoo into his present predicament.

From his observation post, Gazoo could see the two dumdums gathering several large stones from the surrounding terrain. Once each had acquired a sizable pile of rock, they would then begin gathering sticks and branches from nearby trees, breaking them into roughly similar sized pieces. These pieces were then stuck in the mud, so that they stood upright. Each dumdum would then take a turn throwing one of his stones at the sticks. The object of the exercise appeared to be the knocking down of the sticks, although, occasionally one or the other would get confused and throw his rock in a seemingly random direction, or in rare instances at his companion.

It was impossible to tell from his vantage point, however, if there was any particular pattern to the arrangement of the sticks and Gazoo had decided to inspect things from closer range.

***

The plan was simple he would just join their game and impress them with a perfect shot. Once they became distracted he would repair his device and "disappear" again.

Ignoring the obvious stares of the two dumdums, Gazoo walked over to the pile of rocks near the smaller of the beings. Then, selecting a stone large enough to carry the momentum required, yet small enough for Gazoo to handle, he turned and launched the projectile at his target.

The two Neanderthals watched in amazement as Gazoo's rock cleaved a path through the sticks knocking every single one of them to the ground.

"Simply trajectory, not that idiots, such as yourselves, would understand such a concept," stated Gazoo.

The two dumdums stood motionless for a moment, looking at the sticks. Finally convinced of what they had just seen, Phred began jumping up and down. "Yubba dubba da," he exclaimed, while pointing.

Gazoo, not having the slightest idea, what "yubba dubba da" meant merely nodded. "Yes dumdum, I'm more clever than you."

Meanwhile, Bahrnee approached the sticks and placed them upright once more.

"Yubba dubba da," exclaimed Phred once again.

Gazoo thought for a minute, "Perhaps they want me to do it again. Well, as long as it keeps them happy."

His partitioned mind turned over the schematics until he identified the proper sequencing of the circuits to re-enable his device.

"Yes, yes that's it dumdums. Watch me throw the rock." Gazoo hefted another stone and once more scored a perfect hit.

The two Neanderthals began jumping up and down now, both vociferously chanting "yubba dubba da."

Gazoo's hands raced like lightning, his nimble fingers picking over the fried circuit. He stole a glance at the two creatures and noticed they were once again placing the sticks in an upright position.

When at last they had finished, Bahrnee approached Gazoo. "Uh hih hih he."

Gazoo raised an eyebrow, but continued to tweak the device.

"Uh hih hih he!" Stated Bahrnee emphatically.

Gazoo finished the completion of his circuit repair. Now he just needed a few more seconds before the charge was restored.

"Again?"

Bahrnee pointed at the rocks.

"Why not?" Stated Gazoo. He reached down and found another suitable rock. This time he eyed the sticks and easily calculated his throw. It was another perfect hit. "You know dumdums, you just might have something here. Perhaps when I get back to Zetox, I'll rework this concept into a more suitable challenge."

Gazoo noticed his device was ready and he prepared to vanish. "Actually, this is kind of fun. Maybe one more throw."

The two Neanderthals placed the sticks in the ground once more. Gazoo, merely stood back and watched. "Yubba dubba da," he stated mockingly, half laughing to himself.

Once the sticks were ready, Gazoo began looking for another rock. This time however, Phred interfered. He gave Gazoo a slight shove and picked a rock up for himself.

"Really," said Gazoo. "You could be a little more considerate, you know. Bah, go on make your uneducated throw."

Phred, hefted his rock in his hand while contemplating the sticks before him.

"Yes, that's it give it the old university try," laughed Gazoo.

Phred, wound up and began his toss. He planted his foot solidly in the ground and spun 180 degrees firing the rock with all his might straight into the face of Gazoo.

Gazoo collapsed like a shattered doll falling lifeless to the ground.

"Yubba dubba da," said Phred.